Here are some useful “Do’s and Don’ts” for your next holiday or extended stay in Thailand:
* Don’t take up any offer of a ten baht tuk-tuk ride or you will be taken for one BIG ride.
* Don’t complain about the standard of English here, your Thai language skills aren’t exactly that hot.
* Don’t try on a t-shirt if you aren’t going to buy it, the vendor doesn’t need the smell of your hairy armpits all over her goods.
* Don’t go walking around Bangkok shirtless hoping for a good tan or you will get a right tanning at the nearest police station.
* Don’t go throwing your cigarette butt around downtown Bangkok, you don’t want to be made a few dollars less off.
* Don’t feed a 20 baht bunch of bananas to an elephant on the street, you don’t want to promote cruelty to animals.
* Don’t buy a rose from a child beggar at night, you don’t want to promote child labor.
* Don’t take the advice from a taxi who recommends you go for a naughty massage, he’s not taking you there cause he likes you.
* Don’t buy a Buddha Image for household decoration, it doesn’t belong on top of your TV.
* Don’t take advice from any Farang who has spent the past 20 years sitting on a bar stool at a bar-beer in Pattaya, he knows nothing.
* Don’t come here for 3 years and complain about all things Thai, or the locals will ask “Why don’t you go home?”
* Don’t presume she fancies you just cause she asks where you stay, questions like that are the ‘norm’ here.
* Don’t dictate to the Thais about their Human Rights, our records are nothing to boast about.
* Don’t argue with a Pattaya songthaew driver, you don’t need a plank of wood over your head.
* Don’t whistle to the King’s anthem in the cinema, the Thais are rather sensitive about such things.
* Don’t walk around drinking a bottle of beer, you don’t want to be mistaken as a drunkard.
* And finally, don’t walk around Chatuchak with all your valuables in your handbag, you may seriously regret it.
* Do get off the beaten track, there is more to Thailand than just writing boastful postcards and drinking banana shakes.
* Do learn how to say a few Thai dishes in Thai, you don’t just want to eat Phat Thai and Fried Rice throughout your entire stay.
* Do buy gemstones at a reputed establishment, the tuk-tuk drivers recommendations are nothing to be desired.
* Do dress politely, you want to be seen as having no self-pride.
* Do give a tip at a nice restaurant, not everything the Lonely Planet states is true.
* Do, if you wish, donate money to a respectable charity for the underprivileged, and not some dodgy beggar on Silom.
* Do keep your alcohol consumption under control, or you will enjoy a free breakfast as a guest of the Corrections Dept.
* Do say ‘Hello’ to the local kiddies, the local adults won’t think you are a kind of a pervert like in the west.
* Do take a shower regularly, you sweat and get more smelly here than you do back home.
* Do take your shoes off when entering a Thai house, they don’t need your sandals dirtying the floor.
* Do have respect for their religion, in their eyes your religion is just as ‘weird’.
* Do speak politely to the authorities, you don’t need to be sat around all day.
* Do be careful and ask around first if you want to see a ping-ping a-go-go show on Patpong, you don’t want to be relinquished of all your cash.
* Do be patient, the Thais don’t appreciate Farang who lose their temper just cause the waitress got the order wrong.
* Do, as western girls, dress modestly in the Muslim areas of the south, you want to be seen in a good light