Problems and how to take care of our Thai wives
published on Stickman of Bangkok a few years ago by an anonymous author. Some very strong thoughts some questionable perceptions. Take from it only the things that will help your understanding and your relationship.......
In Thailand, there is a debate between farangs in Stickman's submissions about who is a good and a bad Thai lady. The story is that it is a bigger risk of being bad if the lady comes from the bar. But the so-called good girls who did not come from the bar can be bad too. We hear about that.
So let us look into this problem a little bit more. Brother, do we have a good or bad Thai wife?
Both for you and me, the people of this village, Thai and farang, have a very good impression of both our wives. They are faithful, they never speak bad, they never make problem with other people, they do not ask for much, and they take very good care of our children, and you can see the love they have for the children and their Thai family. You can see how they help each other, they have no problem helping each other even with money too, never expecting to get it back. They work around and in the house. They make food for us and do all the work required so we do not need to take care of anything. We only have free time "to think too much". They try to help us any way they can, but sometimes it does not happen quickly like we want, but they fix most of the things, sooner or later.
The only thing people in the village do not understand is why our wife lets us go alone to Pattaya, Bangkok and everywhere in Thailand, alone without our wife. But you and I know they do not like to go farang places for holiday, and we do not complain about this, because we love to take care of our personalities, alone sometimes for reflection!
But of course sometimes we go holiday Thai style, take care of our children and wife, helping them with the children and everything which is required for having Sanuk Thai style at a Thai place. They get enough attention from the other Thais staying with a farang this way. We do not need to bring them to Thailand's naughty nightlife and day life. What happens is only that she and I get jealous. But they are good, even if they lie to the village people, and give an excuse for our absence when we go alone. We know, this is about face, and face is more important than the truth.
You know, they will never lie to us. They would only be quiet, instead of speaking. So you and I know what time, we should start to think too much. We never have problems like that, up to now. Thank God.
So for people standing outside, our wives are perfect and good girls. The only bad thing, people can see is when we fight. This makes the family sad. You are a better man than me because you are strong enough to keep this problem inside the four walls of your home. This is good. Me, I am too crazy and hide too much behind drinking and showing people too much shit and I embarrassed my wife and family too much.I even embarrass people I want to share the problems with because I think they can help me because all the others look like they are happy. I shall try to change this.
So, what about our problems? They are not same same, but in a way similar. The problem is that we do not get satisfied 100% about our emotional life. WHO CAN? But we want MORE than we get, that is why WE make a problem. What about them? If they do not get what they want, they do not start to make a problem. They are quiet, and this kills us, but really this is our problem because we can not take it because this is not the farang style, this is in the root of the Thai soul, and we both cannot accept it and make this a problem for us and them. We only say why can they not change because if they do, we shall give them everything.
But if they change, we do not give them everything and especially not money, gold or presents like we would have given our farang wife, because we are so afraid that other farangs speak behind our backs, that our wife only stays with us for money.
You can read about it in Stickman's submissions how proud the farang is when they do not need to pay for sex with bargirls, because they think now I stay with a good lady, and this is the special lady who is going to be his future girlfriend or wife. They forget that this is a lady WORKING. We forget about our wife. They are not working, they are HOUSEWIVES, taking care of our family. Who takes care them and who pays them? It is us, the HUSBAND, somebody has to provide for the wife for her offer staying home, and take care of everything. So, do not be stupid, listen to every farang speak about how little money they give their wife. It is only speaking to "gain face". Maybe it is a way to make you insecure and in the end, if you do the same, you lose your wife. Nobody and especially Thai ladies do not like only to stay happy, eating. Nevertheless, treat your Thai wife the same way you treated the first young farang lady that you fell in love with, but this time you also have money in your life to do it better.
Do not forget that your Thai wife brought that same feeling back to you, and only her can make you, the old sucker, feel young again and provide you a new, not expected, chance to be happy, the same way as you were when you were young. She is the only one who will do it. (Of course, many good Thai wives do that). But do not spoil her too much, that can backfire like every smart expat knows. (Never forget the expressions, "no money, no honey" and "no honey, no money").
We are like "Romeo and Julie". We want love so strong and to be expressed all the time, and if we do not get it we get sad and want to die or go away alone and find happiness somewhere else. I think our wife has love in their hearts for us. Why have they stayed with us for 7 years? We often speak that the Thai lady is like a child and has to be treated that way. I mean this is correct, that is why we love them so much and why we get so angry them, sometimes. But you do not leave your child when they make you sad, you always try to make yourself take care better, so they make you happier. I think this is the only way to stay with a Thai lady. And she will do the same for every child as a lady does in Thailand, to their family, they will love you unconditionally.
Our lives are really perfect. We have a car, houses with swimming pools. We have all the money we need to take care and we have a good wife like I described above. We have children which we love more than our wife, we are extremely lucky with our extended Thai family and we are so lucky to have good farang families too. EVERYBODY DOES NOT HAVE A LIFE LIKE THIS.
As most farang, we are not happy, and we forget about all the things our Thai wife does for us. I described it above because we also expect that they provide us with all the sex and personal love we need all the time. Who can blame us, we have a young and beautiful wife that it is scary, especially for me, so much older than my wife. I am like a rabbit at the age of 56. Most of the time she can take it, and sometimes she is happy about it and sometimes she is not. Do I have a reason to get angry at her when she does not want to make love with me when I am totally loaded with alcohol, very drunk and have not taken care of my personal hygiene before entering bed? Do I have the right to get angry when she does not like to have sex in every position I like, when she does not like it because that does not satisfy her and she feels very shy about it? (I am happy with her that she is strong enough to demand to be happy in bed so I give her sleep sometimes. I am joking).
Of course not, but I am like a child, when I do not get what I want, when I want it, under any circumstances, I start to complain at her, because I think in our relationship, I brought so much more to the table than her, that I am in my rights to do it. <This is one of the major problems with Thai / farang mismatches, those relationships where he feels he has contributed more - Stick>
How wrong I am. I should never forget what the happy farangs, writing on this site, express. How lucky we are, to even have a wife who can sleep and take care of the fat, old buffalo, who no young farang lady would take care of or even respect.
The other thing about me complaining is why she can not speak with me all the time, about love, problems, serious things and everything I could imagine to speak about. She does, if I give her time to choose the right moment, at the same time, if she does, I complain after the conversation, why she does not take care of all the work in the house. How stupid I am. I am acting like a child, and I want her to take care of me as a child, because I know 100% how much she loves our child and I want with my insecurity to be sure she loves me as much as the child. I am jealous our child sometimes. (Be careful and do your thinking before making babies).
Sometimes I really get sad, why I can not speak about politics, philosophy, psychology, economics, child upbringing and every problem you can bring up. But this is not a big problem. I do not want her to end up being like a farang lady, in the end. I am happy to have an excuse to go away and meet farang alone and I really mean that a man should never want to find everything in his wife because we need another network of friends and people to relate to. Finding decent friends in Thailand, like Stickman wrote in his last column, Fragile Friendships is not easy here. If you find them, they are not easy to keep, either because of the Thai style, influences them too much, and other problems come easy in Thailand, helping to break up good friendships because we get a little bit tense living here. You know what I mean. So if you get "good" friends in Thailand, take care of them with a lot of caution and full respect and expect them to do likewise to you.
This week, I read another Stickman submission. The writer says you cannot change the personality of people who are aged over 18. Compare this problem, to changing the personality of a Thai lady then you know what problems you have. But of course, I do not believe this is true. Others, before him, believe you can.
I believe now, after 6 years struggling, that I can work to change myself, then I will change her. It is the only way.
Feel free to have your own opinion about this, because there is no truth about it.
So brother, before we do drastic things about our lives which can dramatically change the happiness of our family, let's start to take care of ourselves. Our wives will take care of themselves, do not worry about that. They are so much stronger than us. Do your wife a favor, like I shall do. Time to take care myself. Remember our wife will like that, it will give them some free times.
Do remember, everything they have inside their heart, they do not want to bother you with and they are shy too. That is why they sometimes look cold and do not speak about love. It is like this I think. First, they say they love you. Next time after many years they say they love you more. After that, the love is about showing it more and more and no more love talking.